Marriage is Keen When it is'nt Me

It's official now, Keegan is getting married, the second friend of mine in this year. Keegan found himself happiness in a woman enough to move to another country for, as well as commit to one of the largest commitments outside of parenthood. This is a good thing for him, no doubt about it. Somehow it just doesn't seem real to me though. Not to long ago, that is a few years ago, it seemed that bachelorhood was the stated mean for those of my highschool social group, and it was for a long time. It makes me think, how quickly it was for Brant, that I knew it was coming for Keegan sent no less of a shock through me with the foreknowledge.

Now I know that my bachelorhood is a given thing, for now, and for the foreseeable future. I've fought the good fight, that is, if I were at war with marriage, it would be suing for peace because it has no chance of winning. Kind of like our involvement in Iraq....heh. Yet you never can tell, something could happen, never was I expecting Keegan or Brant to wed, yet here it is, 2004, one down, one to go.

I suppose that my lack of understanding is bent on my world view that I am a solitary creature. My happiness does not depend upon others. Nor do I actively seek anybody that could fill the void of loneliness that so many fill with marriage or friends. I have the friends I have, and make new ones very slowly to replace those that I have moved away from, or they away. I still keep contact with those that I see as important to me, oldest friends, well known and with good memories. But what if they weren't there anymore, what could I say? My minimalist attitude could be considered unhealthy, but I am not attempting to please anyone but myself, because I am after all a very selfish person.

So all I can say is congratulations Keegan, may your future be happy and joyful, and your new life built upon the foundations of your old, that we your friends may have served you well in preparation. Good luck and good life.

Be Gone!

Well well, now that that little bout of depression has worked its way through my system..it's amazing what a new day could bring, just remember when things start wearing on you that tomorrow will be differant. Of course the help from my friend Mike and the words of wisdom from Alex didnt hurt either...

But thats that, and well, my uncertain future has developed a prospect of getting me through this winter with a snowcat driving job, hopefully...
Beside that nothing really new, other that claiming the peak of Mount Crested Butte today on foot. Talk about a new perspective, I havent summited in a long time, and the 13 thousand or so feet of the mountain definatly left its toll on me, but I cant complain, being so high up with so much below me is an awe inspiring feeling that I cant get enough of. To know that I was the highest person up on foot for maybe a hundred miles is something to consider, at least for me anyway.

Depresario

The year is 2004
and from the start it hasnt performed
how can one person survive when an entire year has gone by with bad luck
luck may be what you make it
but the things you cant help
the things that are beyond control of human involvment
those have been to abundant this year for me
whats the point of being positive?
why even bother
life can give you some hard decisions
i just wish i didnt have to make anymore
whats the point of living if i cant live?