May 2004 Die with Indignity

Well, it is the 31st of December, mere hours away from aught-five, here's to hoping 05 goed better than 04! I will be checking back in sometime next year, so have fun all you party kids and be safe.

Adrift on a Sea of the Vernacular

Holiday depression is crap, that is unless your me, and you just dropped 3500 dollars on repairing your vehicle. Thanks to the deer that lost its life under my Jeep, the epitomy of a bad luck vehicle. Well, I hope that is all it costs, so my insurance doesnt total out my vehicle. Well, at least they will pay for it. Thats good news I suppose, but until it is fixed, next year, I am out a car, so the 30 mile comute to work just got a lot more interesting.

Well, I suppose that is all the truly bad news for now. This is just a cementation of my dislike of the holidays. Once again, I suppose I could put a possitive light on things, like the fact that the bus from Crested Butte to Gunnison rolled over Monday, hurting many people. Fortunatly none were killed, but that has to be some shitty luck right there.

Life, don't even talk to me about life. Getting something good out of life is an opinion, getting shafted is normal.

Oh yeah, and the high temperature is 0 F tomorrow, and -30 tonight.

Beware the Nikkinikkikatungung

Just thought I'd bring that up.

Transcendant Stupidity

On my part no less. It is'nt often that the center of the universe can readily admit that he screwed up. How did I screw up you might ask? Well, I'm not going to tell you, just because I can admit a mistake doesnt mean that I have to tell everyone. Oh well, I guess that my imperfections make me perfect, to take a Nipponese take on the world.

Now work has been ok, it is just a continuation of my life's ambition, or more appropriatly the lack there-of. The good part is I am meeting new people, like Julie from Pittsburg, or Nikki or Christina or Jane or hmmm, as I think of it, I seem to really only be meeting women... and on second thought, I think I like that. Of course I jest, I am meeting many new people, it just seems that I remember the womens' names better. Yeah, how utterly sexist of me. heh.

But aside that my life has become a drudgery of the repetitive. Underneath the Onion Trees...

More Ramblings

Well, it happened again, and again, and will probably keep happening, but I really cant complain. Why should I? Anyway, Crested Butte called me, yep, mmhmmm, thats right. A return to skibum. sigh. For now at least, one other job prospect is rearing its head, so who knows. Lets find out, shall we?

Extinction of the species "homo skii tecto carens"

It seems that I am to regoin the ranks of a certified ski bum. Yes, the epitomy of 30 years of a cultural phenomenon so great that many people wish to forsake their well paying jobs in suburbia's across the country just to spend a winter in a small town with large amounts of booze and skiing.

Or something like that. As the bullwheel turns, the ultimate drama of a Coloradan, also known as my life. I know my self involvment and importance, (who is after all the center of the known universe) has much to do with this, however I can not for the life of me understand why I just cant seen to escape the continuing culture of no money, no women, turns and booze. Sweet sweet acohol. Fresh fresh powder.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I may be going back to work for a ski area, namely Crested Butte, that soulless place of moronic managers and owners. (not that that is any differant of any other resort let me tell you). You see, I have gained an understanding of ski areas. Despite my only having worked for two resorts, they both fundamentally work the same way. Now I dont want to get into the hows and whys of their perpetual stupidity, only that these small resorts all think they are Vail or Aspen. (which coincidentally no living thing with intelligence has been found in either valley those towns are in for at least 20 years). My harsh view of ski areas is a derivative of living in Colorado for my entire life, coupled with a growing familiarity with them due to my seeminly unwilling nack of getting caught up in them.

So as I was saying, I may soon be employed (the good part) to Crested Butte as a lifty (the bad part). But at least it is money to pay rent and bills. sort of. Said ski bumness is the draging factor in this. You see, the ski bum is a dying breed. Some could argue that is has already become extinct during the great boom of the '80s. However, like many species, they had to adapt, gone are the days of resort hopping without a job and getting in turns at all the resorts. Now it is become a one resort species. The free rangers are near gone. Yet the one resort breed with a job has largly replaced and become the dominant species of ski bum. Yes, the ski bum has changed, and I am one, however that makes you feel, I dont care, try living for a while.

Don't get me wrong, it is a great lifestyle, until you want something, anything. I love the life, hate the pay I guess you could say. Anyway, the job search isnt going well.

Quitter

Ahem, attention all, I quit, thats right, I quit caring about this country, because no one else seems to care. Bah, fear and loathing.

Welcome to Paradise

So I was sitting at the top of Paradise today, and a thought reacurred to me. I was supposed to move to Argentina if Bush won this election. Well, I guess it is time to pack my bags...sigh. Just when I was thinking that the USA was maybe gonna make a change for the better, well, mildly better. I would rather be led by a giant douch than a terd sandwich.

I also heard something unnerving while in Paradise, and it was this. In a county in Ohio, were something like 689 votes were cast for President, Bush still somehow recieved over 3900 more than Kerry. Yup, electronic voting devices are an excellent idea. Bah. Viva Los Estados Unidos, may our own stupidity be reconciled in four years, that we dont irrevocably destroy our image by those that we somehow have representing us as our leaders...

Marriage is Keen When it is'nt Me

It's official now, Keegan is getting married, the second friend of mine in this year. Keegan found himself happiness in a woman enough to move to another country for, as well as commit to one of the largest commitments outside of parenthood. This is a good thing for him, no doubt about it. Somehow it just doesn't seem real to me though. Not to long ago, that is a few years ago, it seemed that bachelorhood was the stated mean for those of my highschool social group, and it was for a long time. It makes me think, how quickly it was for Brant, that I knew it was coming for Keegan sent no less of a shock through me with the foreknowledge.

Now I know that my bachelorhood is a given thing, for now, and for the foreseeable future. I've fought the good fight, that is, if I were at war with marriage, it would be suing for peace because it has no chance of winning. Kind of like our involvement in Iraq....heh. Yet you never can tell, something could happen, never was I expecting Keegan or Brant to wed, yet here it is, 2004, one down, one to go.

I suppose that my lack of understanding is bent on my world view that I am a solitary creature. My happiness does not depend upon others. Nor do I actively seek anybody that could fill the void of loneliness that so many fill with marriage or friends. I have the friends I have, and make new ones very slowly to replace those that I have moved away from, or they away. I still keep contact with those that I see as important to me, oldest friends, well known and with good memories. But what if they weren't there anymore, what could I say? My minimalist attitude could be considered unhealthy, but I am not attempting to please anyone but myself, because I am after all a very selfish person.

So all I can say is congratulations Keegan, may your future be happy and joyful, and your new life built upon the foundations of your old, that we your friends may have served you well in preparation. Good luck and good life.

Be Gone!

Well well, now that that little bout of depression has worked its way through my system..it's amazing what a new day could bring, just remember when things start wearing on you that tomorrow will be differant. Of course the help from my friend Mike and the words of wisdom from Alex didnt hurt either...

But thats that, and well, my uncertain future has developed a prospect of getting me through this winter with a snowcat driving job, hopefully...
Beside that nothing really new, other that claiming the peak of Mount Crested Butte today on foot. Talk about a new perspective, I havent summited in a long time, and the 13 thousand or so feet of the mountain definatly left its toll on me, but I cant complain, being so high up with so much below me is an awe inspiring feeling that I cant get enough of. To know that I was the highest person up on foot for maybe a hundred miles is something to consider, at least for me anyway.

Depresario

The year is 2004
and from the start it hasnt performed
how can one person survive when an entire year has gone by with bad luck
luck may be what you make it
but the things you cant help
the things that are beyond control of human involvment
those have been to abundant this year for me
whats the point of being positive?
why even bother
life can give you some hard decisions
i just wish i didnt have to make anymore
whats the point of living if i cant live?

Crap Crap Crap....Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Well, here I sit in my apartment in Gunnison. Very interesting I know. Life has been handing me some raw deals lately. What with jobs, moving, massive automobile reconstructions and the massive amounts of money that go with it, and the lack of said money. Well, at least it is quite here, and very beautiful. But cold, not very often that temperatures stay under 60 degrees in August, let alone under freezing at night. Thats right, fall has already started here. Leaves changing and such. But thats no big deal, at least the snow will be falling soon, and hopefully I will have a job this winter, it not, I dont know what I will do. Maybe a suicide run down the Banana at Crested Butte. heh, these words need not be so light. Look to the right of this pick, yeah, thats the stuff, the shit that looks unskiable, mm-hmm, thats it. Anyway, I've lost the desire to continue this post, until next time...

Hello, is this thing on? Testing... I wonder what sort of impact my absence has had. Probably none. Crested Butte, Colorado is my new home. Long ways from Durango I know. California, was great, good freinds, good times, poor luck. Poor performance by me as well. I miss the ocean, from the brief period I spent there. But the mountains are an excellent substitute, at least they will be once the snow flies. Much has happened, and I will finally be updating this again, however, now is not the time to go into details. Look forward all ye who enter here, Ich Will Nicht enters the Gunnison- Crested Butte years, or year, or whatever.

GOD DAMNIT! attempt two of this post, and the abbriged version. None of the crap about the post office, or my job interview. Back to Solona Beach however. As I was saying, it is Durango on the Beach, the Belly Up Club was a tight place, and to top it all off, Bob Scheider was playing there, one of my favorite musicians in the USA. He may be a relative unknown, but has some damn good tunes, and has the stage energy of a bonfire exploding upon recieving a healthy dose of gasoline. The place was crowded with tons of hot San Diego girls. For the first part of the show I sat back and dug the tunes and stared at the eye candy. and indeed, they were all of the 21 and up club, unlike Ryans crew...Then about a third of the way into the show I jumped out on the dance floor, worked my up into the crowd, and started to dance and move with the music, because by that time Bob was really gettin into the show, and so was the crowd, from there it turned out to be a totally rocking show. Afterwards I picked up my copy of the show that they recorded that night, then got a chance to talk with Bob. I got him to sign my disc for me. Unfortunatly, I did get a little star struck when talking, and the natural high from the show still had me shakin, so i didnt really get to say much. Damn me, its not like hes really famous or anything, but he is one of my musical idols, so that meeting did hold alot of significance for me. But alas. I also almost caught the pick that was thrown out into the crowd after the encore. So that was the night, now i sit listening to the show that I just listened to. And it is on the song that he wrote in Colorado. that seems like a good place to end it. ciao. JLA

New interface, i have been away awhile eh? hunpf, dont think i am much inclined toward this new look, but Ill get used to it, i mean, trying to fight change is like being GW, and we all know how much we hate that particular representative of the species. anyway, just thinking to post crap, so i did, HA!

First post in Cali. hmmm. It has been interesting out here, and the trip was fairly uneventful. I am attempting to find a job right now and I also am getting used to the idea of being here. While I am still getting used to the freeway system I feel that driving on them is not so bad, it is the knowing where everything is that I have troubles with. And of course my rampant paranoia is messing with me too. Alex and Ryan have been helpful in my move here and have allowed me to stay with them until their lease is up. Which is hopefully this month so we can move to Newport Beach soon. Well, I cant really think of anything else for now so ciao.

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||||||||||||||| 62% Schizoid |||||||||||||||||| 74% Schizotypal |||||||||||||||| 70% Antisocial |||||||||||||||||| 78% Borderline |||||||||||||| 54% Histrionic |||||||||||| 42% Narcissistic |||||| 26% Avoidant |||||||||||||||| 62% Dependent |||||||||||| 50% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||||| 54%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test

Damn Im Schizo... I always knew I was messed up.

Thank You Vancouver
For attacking Moore and sending him out on a stretcher.
Thank You Vancouver
For creating one of the most discouraging acts in the game of hockey
Thank You Vancouver
For giving Hockey a bad name in the national press
Thank You Vancouver
For taking a beautiful game and turning it to a blood bath
Fuck You Vancouver
Fuck You Bertuzzi
Fuck You May
I hope you are forbidden from the playoffs
Because a team like you dosent deserve the right to play for Lord Stanleys Cup.

Here is a poem I wrote many years ago, Alex you may remember it.


Liber Beneleventaie
Forever is the day
Forever is the way
In the infinite world
And the undying land
For the liberation of all
In the benevolence of the light
Let your soul uplift
For the rightous path
Shred the night and come into the light
Come from the darkness
Let your cares wash away
With the dying of the night
So come, come for yourself
Leave behind your woes
And prepare your soul
For the untarnished good
And the release from care
Enter, enter the life
And bring along purity
Let your mind expand
To the point of unbeing
So release, release yourself
And come into the light
forever going, forever continuing
But never end, in the undying day.

exhaustion creeps over me after an asounding day at the Purg. 26-42 new inches last night. More snow than Purg knows what to do with, that brings up the base to 96 inches of the official 26 that the resort claims. shovel shovel shovel all day long. Dumb ass Gapers asking "is there any groomed terrain here?" heh, as if they could even move that much snow. Actually, we were lucky to even get the mountain open today because we could only shovel so much snow. ugh. the runs were great, face shots everywhere. word. snow. tired. sleep. zzz.

Ralph Nader as an independent candidate. Holds apeal and he has some good thoughts on how this country should be run. But there is a problem to his bid for the presidency. Many people believe that he split the Democratic vote just enough to cause Gore to lose the electoral vote to Bush. Now as the 2004 election heats up with Senator Kerry seemingly in the lead with the possibility of gaining the Democratic Nomination for his bid to the presidency, Ralph Nader steps in as an Independent (as no organized third party will accept him). The problem posed now is that he holds once again the possibility of spliting the Democratic vote when it is imperative to get Bush out of office. Senotor Kerry may not ge the best candidate for the Presidency, but he is far preferable to Bush. While I respect Nader I firmly believe if he wanted to truly make a differance he would work within the Democratic Party to clean it up, rather than insure the presidency to some Republican hack. To pull from the Denver Post here is a site of someone who voted for Nader in the last election. http://www.RepentantNaderVoter.com . I am uncertain if he can split the Democratic vote, so let me pose this question, Do you even want to risk 4 more years of Bush? I certainly dont, but thats just me.

I am now the King of Sweden, bow before me all. Keegan is now my property as is Ryan and Alex (although they dont know this yet). My claim to the throne is indicative of a certain odd set of events that I will not disclose now, as my corronation is not yet complete. All hail his majesty the King of Sweden, JOE!

Tokyo
Bob Schneider



I went where all the girls are beautiful
Golden hair and radiant smiles
And cocaine high oblivion to pain
It made me feel so damn inadequate
And insane for the feel good feeling
High inside their helium trancemade vapor
Feeling grim and grimy
Oh Tokyo’s not far enough away
To where I wanna be today
But lonely ain't a word with me
Absurd you see in crowded rooms
That's where it hits me
Splits me right in half and out spills the emptiness
And no one wants to talk with someone
Cut in two and blue acting werewolf crazy
And hairdooed and out of control
Would you like some company
No thanks I’ve had my fill today


Oh Tokyo’s not far enough away
Oh Tokyo’s not far enough away


I wanna ride this party off into the sunset I
T's a mystery to me to see this girl over here
With the beer and the queer and the look
So debonair and she don't care
About this looking so good feeling so fine
Motherfucker that I be cold chilling in the place
Taste yes I’ve got it plenty any more and I’d be Dinty Moore
And dental damns and Irish ham and rocket jam


Oh Tokyo’s not far enough away
Oh Tokyo’s not far enough away


I don’t my fake fur feather boa lust like Noah
Tiger skin fucking mackin the clones ain't got no style
Wait a while and you can turn on the dial
And see my face with cuties gettin so much booty I
T's my duty to rock this fucker like Stan Getz
Get your paws off my cigarettes
I smoke Sherman you German looking vermin
You're squirmin now


Oh Tokyo’s not far enough away
Oh Tokyo’s not far enough away
Oh Tokyo’s not far enough away


Just thought I'd put that up, good song...

It's funny how peoples interpretations of a dead text can so influence our thoughts and actions. I am sick of the religious people of the world who believe all should hold their beliefs or die is entirely biased thought. Anyway, that is unrelevant.

Busy ass PresDay weekend, all the New Mexicans, Arizonans and Texans are flocking to the Purg, and that makes by extension Durango REALLY suck ass right now. On a positive note, I am going to finnaly get a chance to do some figure drawing again, now that I have found a place that I can do it. So calming and relaxing, and also good practice for the book I am working on with Jody. I look forward to finnaly pulling the sketch books out again and do something. ah, but I am gushing, and that is enough for now, ciao....

Hmmm, added a comments section to my blog from the good folks at HaloScan.com.

Also, I had a great time on the slopes Tuesday. I went with my friend Dave (the musician). Freshy Pow, trees and missing toe straps really signalled that day. It was fun and the weather was spectacular. I also managed to obtain most of Dave's works on CD, so now I have a pretty comprehensive collection of the best musician in Durango (my opinion of course). With that I think I am finished for now, not much else has happened, other than more poem writing, which will come later.

Well look at me in my flurry of blogging of late. I went out tonight, and had a good time. Actually, what was supposed to happen and what actually happened was entirely differant. But hey, whos complaining. Instead of hangng out with Keegan and Jody as was the plan they BOTH pussed out on me for the second night in a row. Jesus H Christ, and I thought I was antisocial.

Anyway, I ran into my friend Id and found out he was playing down at the Abbey theatre, so I decided to go down and listen to his band Prima Facia. Good tunes. A suprising note to those who know Id, he is now sober and tonight was his first sober show. They rocked the house despite the technical difficulties and the punk ass kids who were shouting things at the stage. Anyway, when their set was done we went outside and smoked some celabratory cigars at having a good gig at THE place to play in Durango.

So with me not knowing the time I decided it was time to go home, as the next band up was a metal band and that just didnt float for me tonight. So here I am, cigar in hand and realizing that it is only 11 pm. Damn...Oh well. I had a good time and if I'm lucky there will be mad freshies of snow in the morning.

Peace out all.....JLA

I do believe that I like that one better.

Anguish for the Sun


Misery is mine, not for the taking
Sadness is strengthened by my love for it
For the hope in my heart is now going
My anguished cry leaps like a bullet
All for me to wallow in my despair
The cursed thought of my anger and sadness
While loneliness is my companion fair
Forever in my thoughts is ugliness
But lo, the sun doth rise gladly for me
It covers the earth in a thankless job
Warming my face, and shining happily
For its purpose now complete, my heart throbs
Beating in time for the strength of the sun
My anguished cry gone and the suns warmth won

Its Friday night, do you know where your mind has gone? I do, somehting about Colorado Friday nights makes me want to stay home, or is it that I am just tired of Durango. Hmmm, perhaps it is both, or perhaps I am just a loser, either way I am sitting bored at home, oh well, the bars can wait for my presence to another night. Mayhaps tomorrow. Ugh. Perhaps I am in need of some contrite way of dealing with my boredom like philosophising or poetising (with a word like that I dont believe I am allowed into the litterati) or perhaps I should just begin drawing again, or go to bed, anything to keep my mind creativelly occupied and not mind rotting in front of the television.

in retrospect, that poem kinda sucks, man im a horrible poet

The Ache of a Rose
Promises not so easily broken
How is it that I could be so naive?
Blinded to the forays you had with him
My heart feels as though its upon my sleeve
Broken and lost for you, how can I live
My heart pounding 'til bursting, 'twas for you
All that I was I would happily give
So that we had never had been split in two
Sometimes it can hurt so badly, but I...
I wonder is it really all that bad?
To always question myself and ask why
Like the poetic thoughts of an Arab
Dreaming about the way that things have been
Knowing that nothing can beat what I've seen.

Watching the Av's play the Kings. 0-0 in the first. Been playing alot of Final Fantasy Tactics lately. Good game. Differant. Not much for words now. Short truncated sentances. What news of me? Nothing new. Same boring life. Colorado days stretching out. Its gonna snow soon. Riding should be good. Saw an old friend of mine today, Nick Storm. Another aussie. Funny story with him. I'm sure you'e heard it. Sitting at the bar during the Salt Lake Olympics. Watching the speed skating. USA guy leads. A large pack of skaters close in. The Korean falls. The whole group goes down. The Australian who is so far back that the wreck does not affect him. He skates past. Wins the gold. The American gets up and gets Silver. Nick gloats. Calls it strategy. Rubs it in. A good laugh for us all. Av's Kings now 1-1. Tanguay scores. Good for now. Ciao...

Some great stuff has happened of late. Not only is my rewrite of hitory going well, I will soon be able to move on in my plans to begin the book that I am doing the backround for. So my post college productivity is still pretty damn high, I wonder how long it can last? With that note I also got two new guitars for a mere 100 dollars. Actually, just one, the other was a gift, but whos keeping score? I am now the proud owner of a Fender Accoustic guitar and Ibanez Bass with amp. My first actual guitars, and the new guitar smell permeates my noistrils as i inhale lovingly the fumes that the new guitars eminate. Sweden man.

With that I feel as tho I need to respond to Alex's blog (of which I still have to link to thank-you very much). www.dakane.blogspot.com if your interested in what this next section pertains to.

Alex, had I known I would have told you. I cant say that I am truly suprised by it, but believe I would hve let you know. Keebler may have spread that, but if he had, he never said peep to me about it. Remember unsubstantiated rumors can cause more damage after the fact, but as you said, not that it matters now. If Ryan said he heard it from me or Greg, I cant doubt that he had to have heard it from Greg.

And on another note, heres a little something for Ryan, dont be so disillusioned about exes and relationships, so what if the faithfulness of others has been brought into question, just remember the best qualities of your time together (not to sound so cliche on that). It sucks but thats life man, and as you say, bring it on. (not that I know anything anyway since none of my relationships have ever lasted more than a month, and I dont care to know how faithful they have been to me or not, i just want to remember what was really important, i.e. the sex, okok, and some of the other things to)

And thats it for preacher Joe, can I have an amen, halelujah, and praise be to me!

pure genious, thats right, thats me, I dont know what illicits this view of myself, but i feel as though I dont really care, so piss off

Today my one of my cousins died at Breckenridge. My thoughts go out to his imediate family, my Aunt and her son, who is his father.

Attempt two, perhaps I fixed the problem...

Here it is, a new look. It is a work in progress, but at least it is no longer a prefab template...

Attempt two of this post, yes, thats right, I had done this once already, however, my internet connection is less than reliable. Anyway...

This has been an interesting Winter Break for me, well it can hardly be called a break since I am now graduated from the Fort and I am working at the Purg full time now. But it has been interesting none-the-less. Alex my good friend who lives in Irvine is down for the break, and Keegan and myself have had a great time hanging out with him. From the first instance Alex and myself returned to my apartment and we stampeded Keegans room to the drunken affair in Cortez, now known as the 'Tez. Thank you very much for my insidious slang, which I use much to others chagrine.

Well, the night out in Cortez was interesting, in which Keegans cousin Alexa and Keegans girlfriend Sarah joined us. Our Friend Jody was there too. What a night, the drinking, the overpacked car, what can I say, it was a truly odd night. One I will never forget, but that is a differant story, one that is best saved for old age and bad memories. That was unfortunatly the last night we got to hang with Alex for a bit because he not only had the flu but left prematurely for Boulder later that week. Any way, that Friday(the day after Christmas, Boxing Day!!!!) was quite exciting, and it was a shame Alex could not enjoy it with us, but he had his own adventures in a return home to Boulder, and I will let you read his journal for those details.

So boxing day was quite the party. Keegan's cousins and sister with husband in tow were going to show up. We called Jody and he left on his way as well. In the mean time, Keegan, Sarah and myself went to eat in Durango. All I have to say about that experiance is this, any place that wishes to charge 20 dollars a plate for the crap they served needs to be put out of bussiness forovercharging. But back to the fun. We had planned to go out, but Keegan's sister and husband were underage so we stayed in and drank our cares away with various drinking games. The debauchery that followed is systamatically coming back to me in flashes of memory and scenes that were aparently not as bad as I thought, but then when you cant remember teh night you always assume the worst. Ah, Vodka and OJ, such a wonderful combination, until the next day when your stomach starts doing sommersaults and wont quite.

Well, nothing has really happened since then, but for now thats enough. My new page As the Bullwheel Turns is being put on hold while me and Jody rewrite History (thats right, rewrite, youll see). Alex is back for a couple of days, and we plan on going up to the mountain on Monday for some fresh powder riding since it has alreasy snowed 2 feet in a day. WOOT! The snow is falling and the Texans are leaving, halleluja! Peace....