What Now?

Dreaming instrumental of the transient lifeway. One step further down that inescapable road of intermediary restlessness. Drained from the long live treetops and a sense of duty that percolates in the unknown masses. Delved by the quadratic, inspired by the attempt of dogged distant débutante's desires. Harumphed, harangued, and halted. Misquoted by the moon while in conversation to the sun but the clouds had no say. Gold seamen and a desperate attempt at naval metallurgy. My face wiped to blight the sight of all whom it touches and the soul should sunder from the unwavering understanding that I shouldn't but already did, no wonder the wonder to wander in wanton wishes. Crushed in all embraces this spring has ground me up yet again. I'm not bitter, I'm resigned to a life of solitude and separation. To be engulfed in a field of drugged deviants. So life, this is what we have, what now?

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Who are you?! How did you find me!? Nothing to see here! Move along! I'm hiding now! And who the hell was that on the telephone! I'm scared! I'm not shouting, you are!

Sick

Tired and annoyed. I completely forgot that I had a class starting on the 4th, so I missed the first week of it. I feel like I have bitten off more than I could chew with classes and assignments, and on top of all that, I need to find a part time job. Which is to say that the only time I can work is before 10 am, and weekends. I just want to curl up and fade away. When do I have time for all of this? I wish I knew, but I had better find out. I know that I will be able to do all this and get everything done. I just feel ill from the pressure. I don't know. I really don't.

1 2 3 4

Just a short poem written last fallish. Plagiarized from the person under my skin.

An Accord

Some accordance of isolation is keeping me away
This lonely sigh is but my destiny
I haven't understood all these passes
Until they have already passed
Looking at her I only see me
Alone and mistreated by all except all
So I huddle within and hide from myself
In the hopes that if I can't find me then nobody can
I want it so much that I deny it from me
So quiet I still breathless and free
That the darkness I see engulfs not just me
But any image of her, you and he.

Last Breath

A little fiction for you all, plagiarized from the person living under my skin.

Breathing deeply is the only way. All the pain, the nausea, to heartache, it can go away if I breath deeply. I don’t want to suffer anymore, but the very remembrance is enough to bring back everything. Deeper, breath deeper. I look forward to a day when I won’t suffer for this anymore. Even if by my own hand that I suffer, I try to shrug this, but it seems that I’ve developed a habit of it. Suffering for you.

Walking down the street, I catch your fragrance, the smallest scent of you, and the nausea returns. The physical illness brought upon by your memory. I will it to end, but want it forever, all my love for you lets me feel. The love is deep, pulsing, all encompassing. The loss somehow goes deeper, tapping into the darkest reaches of my soul. With icy clutches of bony fingers it slowly steels me, to be tempered by ice and frost. Only the effervescent memory of you keeps the fingers from taking me completely.

But it was you that let those fingers find me. The icy hands are the result of your decision. The choices you made, my failings toward you, the choices I couldn’t make. I thought I saw you yesterday. I couldn’t breath. My vision went black, and you had gone. I know now that I love you still, but that I wasn’t strong enough to admit that, even to myself, until you had gone. This pain in my chest is but the legacy of a fool, gone now are the proud thumpings upon my chest in the presence of men, and arrived is the desperate clutching of an impoverished creature.

My misunderstandings and blind pride hid from me what I knew to be too precious to loose. I claimed happiness, but denied it out of sheer fright. You were the one, the all, and now you have moved on and found happiness anew. But I, I failed, and am now faltering. I had, and now I don’t. I don’t blame you, how can I? I still love you, but these icy fingers claw at me once more. Breath deep. Close your eyes don’t let them know they have you.

My breath is failing now. I can’t seem to get air in. Gone are the deep breaths, and in there place, short gasps. Everything is too bright. The hands have me now, the cold isn’t so bad once you get used to it. The claws don’t dig in anymore. A tear? I can smell the warm saltiness of this last drop. The tang of the salt is overwhelming. Is that you? I can smell you now. And in all the light I swear that you are leaning over me. The cold is gone, replaced by warmth. A smile is trying to steal its way across my face, but the effort is too much. I want only to sleep now. The pain isn’t gone, only distant.

My breath stops. The cold steel of the gun in my hand is the last thing I feel. Your face the last thing I see. Your fragrance the last thing I smell. But the lingering doubt…

My Farthing Has Stated Fare Thee Well

I really have no idea what that is supposed to mean, but nevertheless it is there. Well, let's see here, what exciting melodramas have I been in lately. Ah yes, the inevitable return to Wyoming, with snow, ice, wind, and drifts. Fun. I-80 was a bucking fun sheet of lumpy ice, with white snakes of snow tumultuously racing about it. What fun says I. Not really says the person living under my skin.

What else, let's see here. Maybe my return to Durango soon? Yes, quite good, January 6th. Back to sane country. Where snow falls from the sky, not the ground, or the next town over (which is no less that 100 miles away, see for yourself, I am NOT exaggerating.) Well, nothing else really, I guess I'll be spending new years here, which means I'll be in bed by 10 at the latest.

Ok then, thats enough of this non silliness, now, get the hell off my lawn you dozy brats. Er, um, sorry guvner, no offense. Once again plagiarized from the person living under my skin. Selah.

Home Sweet Snow

I am now happily back in Colorado, away from Wyoming, so that is a good thing. And it is snowing, Ah the good white stuff, that makes the roads slick and the world quiet. Anyway, I just thought that I would post something quick, long trip, got in late, sometimes it is worth it. Selah.

I'm Not Pretty in Pinkin'

I'm so happy to be here, I could just die. But seriously, more uneventful monotony in lovely Wyoming. Ok, so I will be arriving in the San Juans soon, and couldn't be happier about it. I know that I will only be away from here about a week, but when I return, I'll only be here about another week after that, with a good chunk of change in my pocket.

On another note, I am looking forward to more art type stuffs in January. I have two planned paintings and am currently working on one digital illustration. "Hot Times!" said Joe. I am really enjoying the digital art stylings. It's different, and seeing as how I intend to make a living off of it, had better practice it.

Well, I guess I should do something constructive. Like attempting to understand deconstruction. False Realities and all. Actually, I prefer to construct reality in the Faucaultian way. Once again, this post was completely and shamelessly plagiarized from the person living under my skin.

Who's that Rube in the Bushes?

Must be me. Seeing as how I can't sleep, thanks to Amy... just kidding. Before I have an existential meltdown, I decided to spew some mental quandaries. Boundaries? Not being able to see the keyboard? Or having the internet crap out on me for the 1248th time today. I am ready for that saucy puppet show now. Time to delve into my madness.

For a hundred years preceding this menagerie of mental monotony, I decided to become the kind of person who misunderstands the very fabrication of reality and give it a go anyway. Reality that is, not fabrication, or was it the other way around? I've already forgotten. Maybe the person under my skin could let me in on the decisions. I just need to get that promotion of Not Being In The Dark All The Damn Time. The occult creations of platarian insubstantially and the very thing you know are interested in the mindless greed of designer harps. Head vs Heart = Bicycle vs Car.

Now, where the hell is my Tab, and how to I get to that saucy puppet show?

Wherefore our Protagonist Finds Himself Once Again in Wyoming

Yup, here I sit once again in Rawlins, Wyoming. This time not for very long, but long enough. I get to return to 'rango again on Thursday, but that, my friends, is only brief. Seeing as how I have to be back here by the 28th through the 5th. Which means I will miss seeing Alex again. I always enjoy visiting him this time of year.

Anyway, the reason for my being here is money. Simply put I need some to continue school. I am working on my design degree, and am almost done...maybe. who knows, I could decide to want the coveted and not really needed masters... We'll see. Once I have my second bachelors, there will be no stopping the awesome power that is me...no really, don't look at me that way, I mean, it could happen...fine, be that way. Rain on my parade, snow on my sundae, eat my banana smoothie. Killjoy.

So I get to make money, enjoy the company of my dad, and be cold, miserably deathly cold. Not to mention an Internet connection that is as inconsistent as a stealth elephant. Working great one minute, then the next, WAM, nothin'. Bugger. So I cant watch videos, or go to the sites that I usually do, like the escapist and homestar. Selah. But I will hopefully get some graphics done, and maybe even a video... Not that I can upload anything as of this moment.

I also went through and read many old posts here. What nonsensical crap. Some of it. Others I like. I had quite the streak of intellectual/philosophical thought there for awhile. And I liked it. It was fun...what the hell happened. the high ideals of my early twenties I guess. Then I began concerned with crap, and consequently went downhill from there. But that's the way it goes sometimes.

Well, with that, I think that I will end this post with the usual shenanigans. This post will be simulblogged on Vae Vicitus over at that myspace place, and was completely plagiarized from the person living under my skin. Also to any new readers, I just want you to give a big Al PachinoHOOHAW!....congratulations, you are now a member of the Al Pachino hoohaw club. Adieu!

Bad Internet

and long hours. my internet doesn't wrok so good right now, so if i ignore ya, it isnt intentional, I just have to get out of wyoming first. anyway, this is a quick message, because I dont know how long it will work, thcuss!

Procrastination

From writing my art theory final. I just don't want ot finish this bloody thing. But if I do, then all is well in the universe...or at least the Joeneverse. I just noticed I have 1800 total views. Thats like a landmark or summin. I should do something for it. I may... I may not. The hand of fate can shake my ass..The skipper 's my friend, not the captain....I don't know whats gonna happen...

plagerized from amny sources, including Bob Schneider and the person living under my skin...

I Have Been Compromised!

In that a video (I'd hyperlink, but I don't wanna) of me has made it to you tube. Now I can easily see what kind of idiot that I present to you all, and can only say I'm sorry, I had no idea. You may now flog me upon the whipping post. I do apologize. I don't know what else to say. Frankly this is an embarrassment and I hope that I can rectify this situation to you all. The person under my skin suggests doing something about it, but I don't know, I think for now I will wallow in unrepentant blathering.
No seriously, in a way this is kinda cool, I do find the eye of the other upon myself a little strange, but doesn't everybody? Anyhow...
This semester is almost at an end and I couldn't be happier. Even though I have to go to Wyoming in December to work, I think that the break will do me some good. I can work, and maybe do some art. Oh the life of the artist for me, yo ho. Well, what else can I say? Nothing really, so I guess that I can end this with the usual statements. This post has been completely plagerised from the person living under my skin, and will be simulblogged on Vae Vicitus. Tchuss. Selah.

8 Random Tings

8 Random Things About Me

Alex has been so kind as to tag me with this meme. I suppose that I can enlighten you all about me. So here it is. Here are the rules:

1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged and that they should read your blog.
5. 8 is a magic number. Not three.


The FACTS:

1. Let us see. I was born in Cortez Colorado, lived in Dolores, and went to college in Durango. I love Colorado, and have spent time living in such locales as Crested Butte and Gunnison. I have also spent some time in Telluride, and spent a winter in Steamboat Springs. I have also spent time in Arizona, California, Wyoming, South Dakota and New Mexico. Needless to say I have lived life as a ski bum for much of my twenties.

2. I have an imagination that is in overdrive. I believe this is due to my reading, rereading, and rerereading of several fantasy and sci-fi books. I also thoroughly enjoy learning, and have been endeavoring to learn as much about everything as I can. I use all this info to fuel said imagination. It is constantly at work, even now. You usually don’t want to know what is going on in my head though. Narcissism knows no bound in my head.

3. I have a degree in European History. It is seemingly useless. But I learned a lot about other things than history with this degree. I learned to write in a professional matter, research, and speak rhetorically. Also I learned how to bluff (bullshit) my way through many situations. But alas I could not stay away, and am earning my Graphic Design degree. Said imagination also fuels this.

4. I almost died in a ski accident. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. Not being in control of a situation I had almost always maintained. It only took a split second on the 50 degree slope. I lost my edge on my snowboard. When I tried to plant my edge back and stop myself, I was twirled around headfirst down slope. I slid 30 feet face first into a tree. I was then flipped upside down and hung in a tree. That was fortunate otherwise I would have been sliding on my back headfirst into a rockier and heavier forested area. I was finally freed and was able to ride down under my own power with ski patrol. I looked like Rocky Balboa when I got to the base area. I haven’t been the same on the slopes since. I still love to ride in the trees though.

5. I am a member of the United Association of Apprentices and Journeymen of the Plumbing and Pipefitting Industries, Local 798, Tulsa Oklahoma. Go unions.

6. I speak English. I once tried to learn Spanish, but failed miserably on several occasions. I am now learning German and am succeeding. Go figure.

7. Some of my favorite bands you have never heard of. I am fine with that. I don’t listen to the radio, but I love music. I think that a lot of the music the industry pumps out isn’t all that good unless you are a prepubescent girl. But that’s ok. I don’t have to listen to it.

8. I am terribly insecure about a lot of things about myself. I try very hard to fight this, and have had moderate success in the last 10 years. I know that I should be happy with myself, and I am mostly, but there is always that nagging doubt. I also believe myself to be getting to the point were I will be able to let go my insecurities and self doubt.

Well, that’s it for this insight into me. Now let’s see. Whom shall I tag? Kara, Jess, Dave, Casey, Jody, Batman, Josh, and The person living under my skin.

Update from the Wyoming Prarie

It's one hell of a show. I have always enjoyed intense lightning. The constant lightshow abounding across the Wyoming plains is hardly differant than the sureal majesty of lightning in the mountains of home. When coupled with fireworks celebrating our nation's independence, it's one hell of a show. This also being my birthday gives the spectacle even more significance for me. Life affirming one might say. It makes me feel good. Contentment. One has to find what one can when you have to do what you have to do to do what you want. Like I said, one hell of a show.

This post is plaguerized from the person living under my skin.